Praising Him in the Storm

Oh boy, today is not a good day in the pain department. This whole week has been hard. There is more to my life than pain, I promise you, but pain is what dictates what my life looks like each day.

We are starting a new sermon series at church on "Suffering". It seems very timely, as so many people are going through terribly difficult times...illness, disease, surgery, death, job loss, divorce, etc. There are indeed many types of suffering. In preparation for this weeks Sunday School lesson, I've been reading and rereading the scriptures, and what I've come to believe is that God allows suffering so I will learn just how strong He is, that He is indeed the great I AM, that NOTHING is too big for him, that He will NEVER, ever leave nor forsake me. He certainly doesn't have to prove anything to me, but He has proven His faithfulness over and over and over again to me through this nightmare that began May 5, 1999.

Last night at church, our Women's Ministries had another "Taste of Faith" evening....wonderful food, wonderful fellowship, wonderful music, wonderful testimony. It was a God filled evening, and I know He was smiling down on His girls. I am humbled to be in a faith family that oozes love and generosity. Humbled.

I have had many things stripped away from me because of my injury.....including health insurance. My employer has always paid 100% of my premiums, but quit paying them August 1. That hurt deeply. I felt victimized all over again, wondering just how much I have to pay and give up because I was injured while performing one of my my job duties. This is fresh in my mind, because I need my blood pressure medication, as well as others, and simply do not have the hundreds of dollars they cost. My blood pressure rises just thinking about it. Oh well, it is what it is, and I am now one of countless other Americans without health insurance. Sure, I can buy it, but who has an extra $500 monthly when living on disability?

Yet through it all, I praise Him. My situation could be so much worse. I do have a roof over my head, and I have food in the refrigerator. I have friends, true friends, I have the most incredible children on Earth, I have a Godmom and a Godfamily who love me, I have a church home that is my haven. There isn't enough room to list all my blessings.

I have a dear friend, Rhonda, whose 15 year old son, Cole, has been given less than a year to live, due to a recurrence of his rare cancer. What is right about that? Nothing. It is heart wrenching to look in Rhonda's eyes, and through her strong facade, to see the fear and anxiety that dwells in her soul. Yet, she is praising Him through it all. Could I be so faithful? That's a tall order. I feel guilty for complaining about pain.

I've been told by more than one doctor that this pain will be lifelong. Some days better than others. Today is not a good day, but it's not over, and it may get better. The future is uncertain for me in the employment department. My boss may not have a job for me that accomodates my permanent physical restrictions. Then what? I don't know, but God does.

That's enough of my venting for today, on this, the day that my Lord has made; I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.